Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Cleaning out the Attic

The good news is, I'm writing again. The bad news, that's not really bad news, is that I'm not writing the Age of Rust right now. I still love the project, I still love the characters, but I can't focus on it. I've tried so hard ove the past few months, but its all been false starts and staring at blank screens.

Sam's birth has kind of put things into perspective for me. He just amazes me, every day. This whole experience, all the way back to when I first found out that Erica was pregnant, has brought up a lot for me mentally. Certain things I thought I had dealt with a long time ago. Others, I didn't even realize existed. They're all serious things, though. I'm just not in the headspace to write fantasy. I feel like, before i can tell any other stories, I have to tell my own... ugly and insignificant as it seems sometimes.

So, I'm writing again. About some very difficult things. Once I'm done, I'm still not 100% sure I'll be able to show it to anyone. I feel like it could be too much information for some people, and for others, maybe just a side of me I'm not sure I want them to see. And then I tell myself I'm not writing it for them... I'm writing it for me. When its done, I can decide what to do with it. But right now, I just need to write it all down.

As hard as it is, it still feels great to write again. I'm not even using a computer, just those old black and white composition notebooks. I think I'm going to do it this way from now on, no matter what the project. It's extra work, and in a lot of ways its a pain in the ass, but I just feel so much more connected to what I'm doing. Plus, I can write on the train.